May 2, 2013

stagnant for now

Salam everyone,

It's weird how we, Malaysians, are getting close to May 5th that we suddenly become an expert in politics, legal matters, our constitution..but this is not one of those post. I let all those so called "professionals" do all the talking.

So, today I've had this conversation with Seri. I've told her how my life has been stagnant and stuck at one place for more than a year now. What do I mean by this? Well, in our life, we've gone through different phases, first the kindergarten, to high school to university. So we've been constantly moving.

However, recently I've notice that I've been doing the same thing for the past 1 year. And I am getting bored of this. 

I tell her that I need something in my life today. Something new, and I think I may need a girlfriend, a steady one..not those one time fling. But I know it's not gonna be easy. I'm shy, I admit that..but that's not a problem I can't fix. My problem is that I am probably the most fussy people I've know out there.

In all my phases in life, I've only ever like one person for that period of time. There was Puteri during High School, Nabila during boarding school, Shida during matriculation, Seri during university, and now, Liza during my work life.

I've like all this gorgeous and amazing woman not by effort, but by fate. When I first saw Liza, she was wearing a red baju kurung, with over the top make up. Looking weird because all of us were wearing jeans. When I first met Seri, she was wearing a low cut jeans, black shirt and red highlight hair (that caught my attention). Don't get me started when I first met Shida...

So you see, when my heart is set for someone, it is not easy to just let go. Yes, I know I should move on from something that is probably never gonna happen, but I can't unless another one come in. I've tried giving my best to try to like someone, but it is just not happening for me. I think I'm weird.

The reason I'm writing this is because I felt like it. People keep telling me to move on, even Liza said she wants me to find another. I've prayed and prayed, for that one person to come in my life. People want me to start looking, but I can't.

I hope that I meet the love of my life, and if I don't have one, then I hope, my life was worth it.


May 1, 2013

long overdue

Salam everyone,

It's been a while. A lot happened in the past few weeks. I am not going to talk about work, because work is a continuous struggle, we live to work so that we could live. Pathetic, but that is the truth.

So, for those wondering how Liza's sister doing, she is actually really good. Last week she woke up and started talking started to open her eyes and remembering people. Started eating, she is still weak but she could walk on her own and comments some ridiculous things on the internet. Oh, she even did a Gwiyomi video last week! So she is perfectly fine

Thanks to all for your wonderful prayers.

I know, some of you will said that I am doing this because I like Liza. It is true that I may gone overboard with Liza and her sister, going to the hospital every night, just to make sure she's okay. But, during those time, I never think about winning Liza over. Instead, the truth, I was really there for her sister. I have 2 twins sisters and I love them all my heart, I just can't live if anything happens to them, so I can relate how Liza and her family might have felt when this happened to them.

I don't care if we don't end up together, because the time I spend with matter how short it was, was precious enough. I don't mind doing it all over again, I don't mind if I can't do it anymore, but in the end, we want the one we love to be happy regardless of what choices they make. You know this to be true, because everyone is a fool when it comes to loving someone.

Oh yeah, 13th April last month was my 1st year anniversary of my friendship with Liza. I know it's weird to remember this kind of things, I don't ever care to remember my sisters birthday (kidding!). I wanted to list down the things I love about her. I know she won't be reading this (thank God!), but here wishing a long lasting friendship. Sahabat dunia akhirat.
  1. I love the way she babble about everything..from work to family to little things like the mamak at our work place, I never want her to stop
  2. I hate it when she lies when she said she's fine. But I like it when she persevere and work it out herself, just because she don't want to bother anyone.
  3. I actually like her dancing..not kidding
  4. Sometimes when she goes shit crazy...I'm a little scared, but I like it cause it makes me feel weird
  5. I like it when she brings the better person in me
and a lot more, that just can't be mention here.  

Sorry for this cheesy post, it's been long overdue, hehehe. Don't get me wrong, she is already in a relationship, and is happy (I think). I could never try anything. What I wrote here is what I would call "hanya menari, bukan jatuh hati"

"Ya Allah, jika dia jodohku, lembutkanlah hatinya untukku, jika dia bukan untukku, hapuskan perasaan ini dan ketemukanlah aku dengan jodoh sebenarku, sesunguhnya Kau lebih mengetahui"

For now, all I want is for her to be happy..